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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25817257">Batman's Q &amp; A</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/truc/pseuds/truc'>truc</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>What are friends for? [9]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics), Justice League - All Media Types, Superman - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Batman and Superman don't exactly get along, Batman is a sarcastic troll, But Batman doesn't get along with anyone here, Clark will befriend Batman or die trying, Gen, Humour, Questions, Simulator, answers, pre-friendship time, the Justice League members all know each other's secret identities</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 12:29:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>802</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25817257</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/truc/pseuds/truc</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Note to self: Don't force Batman to answer civilians' questions.</p><p>***</p><p>"I want to be a superhero when I grow up. Can you give me any advice on how to become one?"</p><p>"Easy," Batman monotonously started. "Arrange one of your parents' death or both of them, preferably in front of you; be lucky enough to acquire a superpower, a super object or super training (or a combination of them); then,-the hard part- find a slogan and a distinctive costume; act recklessly. That's all you need to become a superhero."</p><p>" Bruce! " Superman couldn't help yelling at the glass wall separating him and Batman.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Pre- Batman &amp; Superman friendship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>What are friends for? [9]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1105563</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>122</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Batman's Q &amp; A</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Chronologically, this one-shot is the first of this series. Neither Batman nor Superman are friends at this point in times, only colleagues.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Batman faced the army of children with the same outlook as he would face the Joker. </p><p>"<em>Someone </em>requested that I answer your questions today," he dryly admitted, looking as intimidating as ever. </p><p>Superman was already regretting all of his choices that had led to this moment. Trying to get members of the Justice to rotate on the interviews/ educational sessions duty was a good idea, but forcing a cross Batman to do it? That <em>was</em> terrible.</p><p>This decision wasn't even his idea. No, like always, when Superman suggested something, it backfired on him. Everyone agreed (except Superman), on a rare Justice League meeting that Batman couldn't attend, that Batman should also get his turn at the 'answering questions' for total strangers. </p><p>Superman, at least, had the grace to recognize that none of the others had declined the "simulator practice testing condition" before implementing the new rotation. </p><p>Hence, it was a forgone conclusion that Bruce would mess his practice testing session out of spite. </p><p>A kid raised his hand. </p><p>Bruce narrowed his eyes at the poor holographic kid and said, "Ask your question."</p><p>"I want to be a superhero when I grow up. Can you give me any advice on how to become one?"</p><p>"Easy," Batman monotonously started. "Arrange one of your parents' death or both of them, preferably in front of you; be lucky enough to acquire a superpower, a super object or super training (or a combination of them); then,-the hard part- find a slogan and a distinctive costume; act recklessly. That's all you need to become a superhero."</p><p>"<em>Bruce! </em>" Superman couldn't help yelling at the glass wall separating him and Batman.</p><p>The kid in question looked chagrined by Batman's answer: he had even stopped typing in his cellphone. <em>Will he cry? </em></p><p>"But, I want both of my parents still alive! Is there another way to become a superhero?" </p><p><em> What kind of hypothetic kid was this? </em> Clark was baffled.</p><p>Batman paused thoughtfully before replying in all seriousness. "Remember an ultra traumatic event in your past and dwell on it for the rest of your life."</p><p>Deep in thought, the kid nodded as if Batman's reply was a bit of wise advice instead of complete horse manure. </p><p>A few kids raised their hands at once. Batman's hard lensed eyes glared at them in turn until he pointed accusingly at a young pigtailed girl. "What is your greatest or coolest achi... achievement?"</p><p>"The time I succeeded in doing my ward's specialty in an acrobatic manoeuvre."</p><p>"What is your greatest embarrassment?" another kid rapid-fired. </p><p>"... The consequences of the last answer I gave."</p><p>It took Superman a few seconds to grasp what his answer entailed.<em> Did Bruce break his back by challenging himself to accomplish the same feat as his ward!?!</em></p><p>"What's your favourite show?" another piped in.</p><p>"Hoarders," Batman stone-faced replied. </p><p>"Do you have a lover?"</p><p>"Do you?" Batman replied, arms crossed. The girl giggled as she turned red. </p><p>"What's your favourite food?"</p><p>"Nutriments."</p><p>"What's your least favourite food?"</p><p>Batman grimaced. "Hard to pick only one."</p><p>"What do you think of the other members of the Justice League? Do you think Superman is cool?"</p><p>Batman looked directly at Clark's location, to show his answer was personal payback, and said, "They are all reckless imbeciles. That answers both questions."</p><p>"Even Wonder Woman?" a small and shy boy asked. </p><p>"<em>Especially </em>Wonder Woman," Batman snapped back. "She's a 'diplomat.' Diplomacy means you can't take very public stances on every political issue or conflict. Your baseline answer should be "no comment." That's how good diplomats <em>should</em> act."</p><p>This farce had gone way too long for Clark's liking. "Bruce, that's enough," he said in the microphone. </p><p>The holographic children faded away, leaving a Batman alone in the room. "Are you going to show them the video of the test?" </p><p>
  <em> Was that why you called everyone a reckless imbecile and insulted Wonder Woman?!? So the other members of the Justice League would have to suffer through listening to it?</em>
</p><p>"Bruce..."</p><p>"Before you tell me Diana didn't deserve that blow, remember that she endorsed this mandatory session for me just for her personal entertainment. You should be happy I kept my insults courteous."</p><p>
  <em> That was courteous? Hold on, could insults even be courteous? </em>
</p><p>"Next time, don't let them walk all over you, Superman," were Bruce's parting words before he stormed off to who knows where. </p><p>Clark was glad he hadn't planned- like he had debated- his thirty-third attempt to befriend Bruce on that day. At least, he was gaining crucial information about him; he crossed all the options in his "befriending Batman" list that had anything to do with eating. </p><p>Bruce might be stubborn, but Clark would befriend him one way or another. Had he been someone who agreed with the principle of gambit, Clark would have bet on it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Had Clark bet on befriending Batman, he would have won a lot of Ollie's and Hal's money.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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